An experience I can set myself on is the day when my parents’ divorce. I was young and did not understand what was going on. My strongest attachment was my father and the day he left the house, I felt numb. I could not concentrate, or feel any kind of pain. I was being torture and my feelings were staying blank. I was not showing any attachment to the situation, but I can feel a strong distraction from the world. I was neither altering to my perspective of life, nor was I overcoming the situation. It was just pain killing me in, and blankness leaking out. It was a tremendous movement in my life. Never did I think such thing can damage me this bad that I cannot control my actions, my desires, or my reactions to situations. I can remember being send to through the trash out, and in that bag, there was a piece of thick glass. A thick glass that arranged a deep cut on right side of my knee. It was bleeding and shattered. The thickness of this glass had crashed through my soul and I was not feeling anything. I was only depicting the blood that would stream down from my knee. And I remember my mother trying to take me to the emergency room, but I felt nothing. I was still in a condemn shock that my father had left. It was the worst day of my life, and I still have a scar left behind because of this situation. A pain I did not capture until days later, when I realize, this was no joke. This was my life.
I am not sure what animal I can compare myself to. It can be logically closer to any animal that can trace down the pain, and yet fell nothing until days have occurred.
When I look back at this situation of my life, I think how ridiculous such situation can make me react. In reality it happened when I was young and rather the shame must have been the one that kept me shock. When I look back now, it does not look as bad as it looked that day. This is because I did not understand what was happening. Now that I comprehend why things in life occur I get a better sense of why this happened and I am actually thankful that my parents situation ended in a divorce and not in a more tragic way. This is just a knowledgeable appearance into life.
With this in mind I can have the understanding that I learned a great lesson from my own experience. I learned that a child is naïve and can lose a lot of understandings of the world. It is not until we are old enough to comprehend, that we actually see what happened and how the problem could have been resolve to a better route. Indeed the child has a naïve mind, that which an adult overshadows and comprehends.
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I could not even imagine how that would feel and I am sorry that you had to go through that. My parents have been married for 24 years and as far as I knew they were fine up until about two years ago. My dad started having doubts (I think a midlife crisis) and left my mom. The situation did not last long and they went back and forth for a while trying to work things out. There would be times that my dad would leave and come back and there would be times where my mom would leave and come back. It was devastating, and I think being older (I had just turned 19 at the time and am the youngest of three daughters) and knowing the situation and having a better understanding of what was going on hurt tremendously. I remember screaming at my dad for leaving and asking him why and how he could do this to our family. It was not until later when I had an opportunity to talk to him that I just felt sad for him. Sad for him and sad for my mom. I didn’t want my dad to be unhappy and I didn’t want my mom to be unhappy either. They worked things out and things are better now but there are sometimes when I see them and I just have to ask if everything is okay. I had no idea that anything was wrong before so I don’t know if there would be any signs if something were to go wrong again.
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